Israeli Prime Minister heads off to Fantasy Camp

Israeli prime minister Benjamin "Bibi" Netanyahu delivered a little fairy tale of a speech [full text] last weekend at Bar Ilan University in Tel Aviv, specifically timed as a sort of response to U.S. president Barack Obama's earlier speech in Cairo.

Netanyahu had promised to speak "honestly and courageously" about the future of the Middle East peace process. What he was, in fact, honest and courageous about was the fact that he has been living in fantasy land for most of the past 16 years.

No, seriously. After delivering the speech, in which he seemed to have no grasp of any progress made in Israeli-Palestinian negotiatons in recent memory, Netanyahu got back on the bus to Middle East Fantasy Camp, where apparently he's been spending most of his time since 1993.

Recently, the Tuque Souq intercepted an email that Benjamin Netanyahu sent home to his family from his fantasy world:

Hello mother, hello father,
It's great to be back here at Fantasy Camp after my exhausting journey into reality. I hope the speech went over well. One of the counsellors here helped me with it.

It was a great day here at the camp. We built another 3 new settlements in Samaria this morning, and some of the kids from from the Kedumim section put up some outposts in the Judean hills. They're really getting good at it now.

Yup, Fantasy Israel is really turning out to be a great place to be. It's so nice not having any Arabs around... or what are they calling them these days... 'Palestinians'? Whatever. I've never heard of 'Palestinia'. Sounds made up, like that other imaginary place, Canadia.

Of course, we're still building a Separation Wall here. But just for fun. This morning me and Goldie went for a walk in the hills. We thought we got lost for awhile, but luckily some nice friendly settlers helped us find our way back. Who needs a Road Map when you've got settlers?!

I think I mentioned in my speech how totally awesome the settlers are, and how I hope they just keep growing and growing, naturally... you know, with the storks bringing them more settler babies.

And how cool is it that there are no more Arabs anywhere, including Jerusalem, so Israel can be a totally Jewish place? I mean, sure there were some Arabs here before 1948. But then they left, and we haven't seen them since.

You can't really imagine it until you are here. I mean, all that stuff you have to deal with--occupation, an Apartheid-like situation, international law, the peace process, human dignity--they totally don't exist here. We built the Third Temple last week. Heck, next week we'll build a fourth, right on the beach in Gaza. Why not?!

Oh sure, Fantasy Iran got a little upset and threatened us with Fantasy nukes, but we just nuked 'em first! Then we nuked Oman, just because we can.

Anyway, I'd better end this letter soon. Tonight me and some friends are going down to the Jordan river to skip stones. Then there's a bonfire in what used to be Jericho. Now it's a playground.

Lots of love,
Bibi

(Sigh.)