New Pirate Party of Canada has Somali Pirates baffled

The new Pirate Party of Canada (PPoC), the latest incantation of single-issue politics in Canada's crowded constitutional chorus, may yet succeed in its stated goals of reforming copyright laws and regulating Net neutrality. But it has already succeeded in one undeclared goal: confusing the hell out of Somali Pirates.

The PPoC also wants to blow down the metaphorical walls between peer-to-peer file-sharing over the Internet. Its members aim to drop anchor in the harbour of artists' rights to share their music freely. They want to see the proponents of Canada's corporatized patent system walk the plank.

And therein lies the Somalis' chagrin: the gratuitous use of figurative language.

"Apparently they're into sharing things and relaxing the restrictions on sharing," said a Somali Pirate spokesman who asked not to be named. "We're not sure what is going on, but clearly a bunch of computer nerds are running around claiming to be pirates when they've never even taken over a ship and held it for ransom."

The spokesman wailed over the slow summer on the high seas. "It's been a really tough season with all the monsoons and the global recession affecting the pleasure-cruise industry. But we're making a recovery this autumn. And just about the last thing we need right now is competition from Canada."

Asked to comment on the juxtaposition of the pirate metaphor in the Canadian political spectrum with the infringement upon civil liberties of de facto Internet regulatory policies in a post-industrial globalized commercial society, the Somali Pirate spokesman said only that, "you people obviously have too much free time and not enough real problems."

The Tuque Souq tried to reach the PPoC for comment, but the line was jammed with bit-torrent downloads.

[Tip 'o the hat to Dean for the scoop.]