Jesus sees you... and now he will blow your head off

The American military, still involved in two land wars in Asia despite credible advice to the contrary, recently upgraded a crucial part of its arsenal with a little help from the man upstairs.

Jesus--that tireless humanitarian still plugging away at his job despite 2000 years of "Dear Jesus, if you get me outta this jam I promise I'll go to church every Sunday"--has been enlisted to help the American military shoot bad guys, most of whom are reportedly Muslim.

The military contractor Trijicon (possibly a front for Dr. Evil) has produced thousands of rifle scopes for the US and allied infantry, scopes etched with what appears to be serial numbers that all end with JN8:12.

Bible thumpers and fans of the film Shawshank Redemption will recognize this nomenclature as John chapter 8 verse 12: "And Jesus said to them, I am the light of the world; he that follows me shall not walk in darkness but have the light of life."

The rationale for baptizing guns in the sweet water of Jesus' creed: The scope is "designed to function in low light or no light conditions... [and] is ideal for combat due to its high degree of discrimination even among moving targets," said a statement by the manufacturer.

In other words, people who shoot other people are often in the dark and therefore could use a bit of light, light only they and not their enemies can see.

Jesus: better than night-vision goggles, and a whole lot cheaper.

So the American military via its orthodox contractor is hoping to embolden its infantrymen mired in unending, unwinnable wars in Muslim countries by arming them with guns blessed by a deity whose singular message was Love.

Reached for comment, a Pentagon spokesperson was reportedly "disturbed."

Reached for further comment, a Jesus spokesperson was reportedly "not f*cking surprised."

April Fools (according to the Persian calendar)

According to the Times Online, an Iranian news agency's claim that the Islamic Republic's military had forced down a U.S. war plane and interrogated its crew may have been a hoax.

According to the article, the Fars News Agency reported today that an American plane accidentally entered Iranian airspace and was forced to land, whereupon officials questioned the crew until satisfied that the invasion of airspace was accidental.

After the Pentagon went nuts for a few hours trying to account for all of its planes in the region, it finally issued a statement claiming the Iranian story was false, and then news leaked from Iranian military sources that the plane in question was not an American war plane but a Hungarian commercial plane, and that the whole incident happened a week ago.

Anybody know the Persian word for "Gotcha!" ?

Canada versus Somali Pirates

Another pirate attack - the minimum 49th this year off the coast of Somalia - has left a Hong Kong chemical tanker in the clutches of armed Somali privateers.

The Associated Press also reported today that French Special Forces had rescued a family whose sailboat had been hijacked by pirates earlier this month.

Since June, Canada has held the command of the Combined Task Force (CTF) 150, a multi-nation joint naval patrol force, based in Djibouti, created to monitor shipping in the Indian Ocean as a part of the so-called War on Terror. (Denmark takes over command of CTF-150 this month.)

However, because CTF-150's main target is al Qaeda, not Somali pirates, and because shipping companies often quietly pay the hefty ransoms to get their boats back, combating piracy in the region has been a tough task.

An article from today's Globe and Mail describes Canada's role in tackling pirates:
"The three [Canadian] ships - the Iroquois, along with HMCS Calgary, a frigate, and HMCS Protecteur, a supply and refuelling ship - spent the past 3½ months serving in a multinational force known as Combined Task Force 150, with the Iroquois serving as the flagship of what is usually a 15-ship group. Their mandate stretched from the tense waters of the Strait of Hormuz, where coalition warships were often in close quarters with the Iranian navy, to the Egypt's Suez Canal.

"[Canadian] Cmdre. Davidson admits that 15 ships can do little to halt piracy among the 20,000 ships that annually travel in the Gulf of Aden, especially when CTF-150 had other tasks as well. He said the flotilla's main goal was just to make its presence felt in those otherwise lawless waters."

Earlier this year the UN Security Council passed resolution 1816, proposed by the UN's International Maritime Organization (IMO), which allows CTF-150 to operate within the territorial waters of Somalia in order to race down pirates before they can escape.

According to the Kenya-based East African Seafarers' Assistance Programme, there are at least 160 pirate groups operating in the waters off of Somalia and the Gulf of Aden, with an estimated 1200 pirates.

For a rundown of some of the pirate attacks in the world's waters this year, see this site.

For further reading on the world of modern piracy, the Tuque Souq recommends "The Outlaw Sea: A World of Freedom, Chaos & Crime" by William Langewiesche.

[The Tuque Souq wants you to know that we resisted all urges to use "Aargh, matey" in this posting.]

Israel to supply military drones to Canada

The Canadian government will spend at least $125 million over the next six years to purchase an unknown quantity of Heron-TP Unmanned Aerial Vehicles (UAV; aka "drones") from Israel Aerospace Industries (IAI).

According to Defense Update online magazine: "Apart from long range, long endurance Intelligence, Surveillance and Target Acquisition Reconnaissance (ISTAR) missions, [Heron-TP] is designed to execute a large variety of operational missions, including aerial refueling and strategic missile defense."

IAI is one of the world's largest producers of military air systems and ground defence systems.