Maher Arar launches new online magazine

Maher Arar--the Canadian citizen of Syrian origin who was once extraordinarily renditioned by the United States with Canadian complicity, jailed and tortured for 10 months in Syria, and then fully exonerated by a Canadian judicial inquiry which found that the RCMP not only was complicit in misidentifiying him as an al-Qaida-linked terrorist but also engaged in a conspiracy with Canadian intelligence officials to cover up some of the truth of how Arar was sent to be tortured in a foreign land--has started his own online magazine.

PRISM Magazine is a new not-for-profit venture that Arar has developed for a general Canadian audience, focusing on issues of National Security, Human Rights and International Law.*

Among the features in the launch issue of the online publication:

• A two-part series by David Cole, "Getting Away with Torture";
• An op-ed, "Death with Dignity," about the loss of Canadian soldiers in Afghanistan;
• A feature called "Hey Washington, Ever Hear of Google," which pretty much slams American intelligence officials as less savvy than a thirteen-year-old with a broadband connection.

According to an article in Global Winnipeg, Arar chose the name PRISM because it "is something that takes one type of light and defuses into many lights, emphasizing the analyses. Prism means transparency, too. That's the kind of impression we want to portray."

Coincidentally, "Project Prism" is the code-name of a recently revealed and continuing RCMP investigation, started in 2006, into whether charges against Canadian officials were warranted in the Arar case. One official reportedly questioned was retired Canadian diplomat Gar Pardy, one of PRISM's new regular contributors.

[Tip o' the hat to Canadian Magazines blog]

* - Arar's PRISM is not to be confused with another similarly titled publication, Prism International magazine, the fifty-year-old quarterly literary magazine published by the University of British Columbia.)

The Tuque Souq at 200: Not too old to blow out our own candles

It is gratuitous anniversary day at the Tuque Souq, as this our 200th post of all time coincides with the one-year anniversary of the Great Canadian Putsch of 2008, that startling palace coup de quoi that had great multitudes of our citizenry storming the Parliament Hill rumour mill for a week and scouring Wikipedia for revelatory factoids on a guy called Byng.

For those readers born since, the Great Canadian Putsch started when Prime Minister Stephen Harper tried to enact a Machiavellian scheme to tie public funding of political parties to success at the ballot box, a plan that would have bankrupted the Liberals and Bloc on the heels of a costly election season. The PM's ungallant hubris and hypocrisy caused the wax in his wings to melt, as the 3 opposition parties united to unseat him with a confidence motion, a check-mate move that caused Harper to destroy the playing board by introducing a long-lost million-dollar word: Prorogation.

Convincing the Governor General was all it took for Harper to KO the rabble rousers and suspend the government before it could vote him down. Then, supremely satisfied that he had crushed all before him and sounded the final bell of his closest rival, Harper gave himself a seven-week vacation.

In the interim, the united coalition of the Bloc, the NPD and the Grits fell into disrepair, a condition in which it remains to this day.

So what did we learn from all of this, besides the realization that even Canadian politics can be sexy if you cinch up all its parliamentary flab and down a fifth of rye before date night?

Probably nothing. Maybe it's for the best. Politics is too serious a matter to be left to politicians, whose entertainment value returns much higher yields than their integrity.

From the Tuque Souq archives:
Stephen Harper stung by Qaddafi snub
Stephen Harper's Algerian Wine Collection
Israel Lobby to Harper: Do you still love us?
Tories to Jews: Have we got some Nachas for you!

Tories to Jews: Have we got some nachas for you!

Canada's opposition parties have a lot to kvetch about after the ruling Conservatives plastered the country's major Jewish ridings last week with fliers attesting to the Tories' ethno-crush on the chosen people.

In addition to reminding Jewish constituents of the government's record on opposing Hamas, Hezbollah, Iran, Durban, and Porky's--ticking off the list of things the Conservatives would imagine Jews not liking, if they ever actually met one--a spokesman for Prime Minister Stephen Harper was quick to note, "... and he [Harper] has seen Fiddler on the Roof like twenty-six times, and has read the Yiddish-English dictionary as far as fachadick."

The Tory ad also paid homage to the Jewish peoples' noted love of democracy, with an image of a ballot at the bottom of the flier offering Hebraic faithers the chance to vote on which party leader most adoringly renders them a homogeneous rolodex of ballot stuffers and campaign donors.

(This is a stark contrast to the fliers the Tory campaign office was rumoured to have for its Somali constituents, which was an image of a Jolly Roger over the inscription: "Vote for us or we'll send you back to Somalia.")

In courting the so-called Jewish ballot, the Conservative Party is demonstrating just how serious it is in outflanking its rivals on the niche-vote battlefield. Already they've corralled the Christians, the Muslims, the Sikhs, the Shintaos, the Confusians, the atheists, the agnostics, the royalists and the loyalists, the aristocrats and the bourgeousie, the farmers and the pickers and the grinners, the hockey moms and the banker dads, the 905ers and the 418ers, the cowboys and the indians.

That leaves only the workers for the NDP, the vegetarian hemp suckers for the Greens, the Québecois for the Bloc Québecois, and for the Liberals not much more than the sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies and, of course, the dickheads.*

Get working on those fliers, opposition parties. The next election is between 3 and 49 months away!

* They all think Michael Ignatieff is a righteous dude.

Stephen Harper stung by Qaddafi snub

Prime Minister Stephen Harper is reportedly "bummed out" and "really freakin' cheesed" at not receiving an invitation to Libyan dictator Muammar Qaddafi's 40th anniversary party last week in Tripoli.

To celebrate the fortieth birthday of his own revolution Qaddafi feted himself with a multi-million-dollar soiree, which featured hundreds of dancers, fireworks, acrobatic airplanes, mock hangings, and a so-called Gallery of Grotesques.

Among the invitees who RSVP'd an enthusiastic 'Yes' were such luminaries as Zimbabwean ne'er-do-well Robert Mugabe, the indicted-for-genocide Sudanese president Omar al-Bashir, Somali Pirate cartel bossman Mohamed Abdi Afweyne, and Venezuealan leader Hugo Chavez who was spotted gettin' jiggy with something on the VIP stage.

According to a source in the vicinity of 24 Sussex Drive, Mr. Harper was especially looking forward to a ride in Qaddafi's famed Rocket Car, which the Libyan dictator gave himself as a gift on his 30th anniversary back in 1999 and whose mass production was supposed to transform Libya into the supersonic-automobile powerhouse of the world. (Unconfirmed reports noted there were at least a dozen pre-orders from Wayne Enterprises.)

According to the Government of Canada's website, Canadian-Libyan relations are pretty much at an all-time high. Canada imports almost $16,000 worth of Libyan products each year, which makes up 0.000015% of Libya's GDP. Canada's current foreign direct investment in Libya is described as a whopping "n/a".

With all this goodwill and free-wheeling spending, Mr. Harper was positive he'd receive an invitation to Qaddafi's big show. Some political insiders are already suspecting domestic political sabotage, including but not limited to Michael Ignatieff impersonating Stephen Harper at the post office, Michael Ignatieff impersonating Muammar Qaddafi and making prank phone calls uninviting the prime minister, and Michael Ignatieff impersonating Hugo Chavez and dancing all over Qaddafi's stage.

In related news, Canada is gearing up for another election. Qaddafi hopes to be invited.

Kafka and/or Kafkaesqueness help save Canadian in Sudan

Hear, hear!

The Globe and Mail was all up in the face of the Harper government yesterday after a federal court judge ordered that Abousfian Abdelrazik--the Canadian citizen imprisoned, tortured, and stranded in Sudan for the past 6 years--be returned home to Canada posthaste.

Kudos to Globe journalist Paul Koring for following the case so meticulously and outing the injustice at every turn. Cheers to Gerald Caplan for penning a scathing op-ed without referencing Kafka (everyone else did, including the judge, who likened Abdelrazik to the protagonist in The Trial). Grudging thumbs-up to cherry-picking human-rights guru and Liberal MP Irwin Cotler and celebrated Israeli writer David Grossman for their rebuke of Harper and CSIS.

Excerpts from the Globe's friday blitz of the Abdelrazik story:

"To the very end, the Harper government maintained a consistent attitude toward Abousfian Abdelrazik: mean-spirited, callous, destructive. Instead of announcing that they were willing at long last to allow this innocent Canadian citizen to return home from Sudan, instead of a hint of remorse for his ordeal, instead of explaining how our government intends to help him restore the life they stole from him six years ago, all he and we got was a begrudging eight words from the Minister of Justice."
--Gerald Caplan

"[Maher] Arar got an apology from Prime Minister Stephen Harper and $10-million in compensation for Canada's role in getting him shipped to Syria where he was tortured. In Mr. Abdelrazik's case, the involvement of Canadian governments lasted far longer and was more direct..."
--Paul Koring

"After such a judgment, our government has little moral choice. This case is no longer about legal arguments, if it ever was. It is about a Canadian citizen stranded in Sudan and a government that has shown wrongful resolve in keeping him there."
--Irwin Cotler and David Grossman

"The document, marked 'secret,' shows that the Bush administration knew Sudan was about to release Mr. Abdelrazik from prison in the summer of 2006, and wanted help from Canadian police and anti-terrorism agents to try to charge him."
--Paul Koring

"As well as the Conservative government, a previous Liberal government was involved in denying Mr. Abdelrazik the right to come home. But since the Liberals were in power, two major inquiries, including one into Canada's role in the Maher Arar affair, have criticized Canada for how it deals with torture states. The Conservative government had an obligation to learn something from all that."
--Globe editorial

Here, too, is the Globe's timeline of events in the Abdelrazik affair. Notable is what Conservative Foreign Minister Lawrence Cannon did personally to deny Abdelrazik his rights.

Related Tuque Souq post: Canadian in Khartoum celebrates year of squatting in embassy

Mohamed Kohail, in his own words

The Canadian Press released a story late yesterday confirming that Mohamed Kohail, the Canadian citizen on death row in Saudi Arabia, delivered a letter to Prime Minister Stephen Harper via Conservative MP Deepak Obhrai who visited Mohamed Kohail in prison in Jeddah last December.

Extra troubling, aside from the obvious, is that Mr. Obhrai wouldn't confirm whether Mr. Harper even read the letter, leading critics to charge that the Harper administration is trying its best to stay out of this whole affair.

Here is Mohamed Kohail in his own words, to PM Harper:

“Mr. Harper, I have been in jail for two years now. I am imprisoned with hundreds (of) high-profile criminals in Saudi Arabia for a crime that I did not commit... I was tortured to sign a confession... I was misinformed that I would be allowed out of custody the moment I signed it...

“Mr. Harper, I'm 24 now and I don't know how much (more) time I will spend in prison or how much time is actually left on my life... You have ordered your officials to seek clemency for me in Saudi Arabia back in early March (of 2008). However, I have not seen tangible actions made since then... Every time I was assured by the Canadian Embassy (representative) that the government is working secretly on the highest level of officials, the court upholds the death penalty... I was told by the judges that I should not think I would escape the death penalty ... since I am Canadian...

“I've lost my hair, two years of my life and see death coming to me closer every day... I want to come back to Canada to finish my degree — me and the rest of the family — and continue my life as a good citizen... [I beg you to use] every way possible to get me out of this situation.”

Last week, the government of Saudi Arabia decapitated five men--among them Sultan Bin Sulayman Bin Muslim al-Muwallad of Saudi Arabia and ‘Issa bin Muhammad ‘Umar Muhammad of Chad, both of whom were 17 when they committed (admittedly atrocious) crimes--in public executions. This brings the toll to 36 so far this year on Saudi Arabia's state-run chop blocks.

Anyone who thinks Mohamed Kohail has a magic get-out-of-beheading-free card is sorely mistaken. As the Tuque Souq has pointed out here, here and here, the Harper clique is about the only hope that Mohamed Kohail has for justice.

The Harper government spent political capital (and almost certainly a few million loonies, through various channels) to bring home two Canadian diplomats kidnapped in western Africa. Is the cost really that much higher for Mohamed Kohail, or for that matter Abousfian Abdelrazik or Omar Khadr?

Turkish ambassador flies home for history lesson

Perturbed over Prime Minister Stephen Harper's appearance Tuesday at commemorative vigil for the Armenian genocide of 1915-16, Turkey recalled its ambassador to Canada for 'consultations' in the homeland.

Allegedly Turkey's ambassadors around the world only have one job to do: convince host governments that the thingy with the Armenians wasn't a genocide.

No really. The website of the Embassy of Turkey in Ottawa hosts a section called "Armenian Allegations" whose documents include a 2005 letter from Turkish prime minister Recep Tayyip Erdoğan to his Armenian counterpart, then-president Robert Kocaryan, triumphing a binational "joint group" of historians to once-and-for-all arrive at the truth of the events of 1915-16 in which a reported 1.5 million Armenians were killed in an ethnic cleansing by Turkish nationalists.

There's also a link to an academic publication, "Revisiting the Armenian Genocide," which casts an appropriately academic shadow of doubt on the citadel of 'truth' (either Armenian or Turkish).

And there's a link to a statement (undated) from Turkey's Grand National Assembly exhorting, among other things, that "Wisdom and logic command Turkey and Armenia not to be afraid of breaking the taboos by working jointly, and to face their history by uncovering all aspects of the human calamity they together experienced."

Turkey has long claimed that the so-called genocide was a rural civil war between rival nationalist factions that resulted in the deaths of hundreds of thousands on both sides at a time when the grip of ethnocentric identity struggle on the people of the Middle East was as firm as Stephen Harper's hair helmet (pictured).

Armenia claims that, well, a million and a half of its people didn't live to see the birth of the short-lived Democratic Republic of Armenia (the fleeting independent state between Ottoman and Soviet hegemony in the Caucasus after World War I).

Today, April 24, is Armenia's official day of commemoration, the anniversary of the arrest of Armenian intellectuals in Istanbul in 1915 which touched off the revolt that led to the genocide (or the not-genocide other thing).

Saudi executions down 33% in 2008, but the damned aren't consoled

The decapitation of Mohamad al-Sehimi in Saudi Arabia on December 30th brought the number of executions in the kingdom in 2008 to 102, which is way more than even Texas.

The Saudi record for executions in a year is 158, set last year, according to Amnesty International.

For 2009, whither Mohamed and Sultan Kohail, the Canadian brothers on death row in Saudi Arabia for allegedly causing the death of a classmate in a schoolyard skirmish? Ever since our government went on a 7-week holiday, there's been no update on the status of the Harper clique's attempt to bring the brothers home.

The Kohails remain on death row in Saudi Arabia, facing execution by beheading. They are not alone. Rizana Nafeek faces the death penalty any day now for the alleged killing of a child she was babysitting; she was 17 at the time and never saw a lawyer on her way to sentencing. She's also not a Saudi national, rather a foreign worker like much of the kingdom's labour force.

King Abdullah II to smash You Tube record

Jordan's King Abdullah II is trying to break Paris Hilton's record for most individual frames of footage on YouTube. Here are some samples:

This video to the song al-urdan awalan ("Jordan First"), a popular nationalistic ditty, is mostly footage of Jordanian military exercises and sweeping views of Amman, but spliced with 57 different shots of King Abdullah II (kissing babies, slapping hands with the crowds, etc), but regrettably only 1 shot of Queen Rania (which is the same number of times we get to see Sultan Qaboos).



But wait, here's a photo montage featuring Jordan's national anthem and 73 different shots of the king.



But this one tops it all. In this video King Abdullah II is in every shot, continuously, and doesn't say a word.



Because Stephen Harper won't shut up!

Next stop on the Prorogation Tour '08 - Iraq?

Now that Canada's innovative democracy has found a trump card for a no-confidence motion - Prorogation - there may be a market for its export.

Rumours are swirling that Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki (pictured) may be facing a confidence motion from Parliament soon, as a result of his controversial plan to establish tribal councils which could significantly boost the local power of Shia parties at the expense of Sunnis and Kurds.

(By the way, the Arabic for 'prorogation' is تعطيل (ta'tiil), from the root عـطـل ('atala), meaning 'to be idle or not working' - another strike for the 1500-page al-mawrid al-waseet dictionary!)

As our friend at the Talisman blog explains so well, Kurdish parliamentary support is vital to al-Maliki keeping his ruling Da'wa party (a Shia bloc) in power. But it seems that al-Maliki's brazenness at trying to centralize his party's control over the regions of Iraq through these pro-Da'wa tribal councils is tantamount to Stephen Harper's pulling the plug on public funds for political parties: it's uniting everyone against him.

Even other Shia groups, such as the supporters of Muqtada al-Sadr and blocs in Iraq's mostly Shi'ite south who want to carve more autonomy for their region like the Kurds have up north, may be opposing al-Maliki on this one. The result: there is a move afoot to force out al-Maliki as prime minister and replace him with someone more pliable.

Iraq's president, Jalal Talabani, a Kurd, says al-Maliki has the confidence of Parliament. But the backbenchers are murmuring.

Free xmas list idea for Harper: re-gift prorogation and send c/o Nouri al-Maliki, Government of Occupied Iraq.

Prorogation prorogues antirogueing rogues

Prorogue! Well, thus ends the Great Canadian Putsch of '08. Will our edgy politicians survive seven sybaritic weeks of holidays and bring us a Great Canadian Putsch '09: Michael Ignatieff Strikes Back?

Will Gee-Gee Jean publish a tell-all entitled My Rogue: How Stephen Harper won my heart and my reserve power?

Will Pauline Marois take back every nice thing she said about the coalition and put sovereignty back on the péquiste's election agenda?

If a Stéphane Dion falls in a forest with 76 knives in his back, will he make a sound?

All these questions and more will be addressed, just as soon as our government gets back from seven weeks in Bora Bora!

We'll get back to blogging about the Middle East soon.

Revolution Prorogued! Jean falls for Harper's seduction

We are outraged. Not because we were a fan of the fractious coalition of the NDP, Grits and Bloc, nor because Her Excellency failed to use her reserve powers in the most minimal of ways. We are outraged because the revolution is over (suspended, but really over). It's so anti-climactic after 8 days of constitutionally driven suspense. And while our government now gets seven weeks of holidays, the rest of us have to go back to our pre-revolutionary lives.

Sigh, we'll be back with more soon.

The revolution was televised (for 5 minutes); who will the GG listen to?

"Prorogue!" "Dissolve!" "Dismiss!" "Abdicate!" "Save us from ourselves!"

Everybody is trying to tell Her Excellency the Right Honourable Michaëlle Jean what to do. Stephen Harper is making a personal pitch to the Governor General right now to ask her to prorogue parliament. Harper went on TV last night for 5 whole minutes to convince Joe Canadian Sixpack that the Triumvirate of Turpitude - the Liberals, NDP and Bloc - is unpatriotic.

Her Excellency probably got Harper's veiled Bushian message: "You're either with us, or you're with the separatists."

And to no one's surprise, the conservative spin doctors want the media to ask the ridiculous rhetorical questions: "Is Mme Jean a separatist?" "Is she a Liberal?" "Is she really Canadian?"

Talk about pressure.

Meanwhile Stéphane Dion's letter [full-text PDF] to the GG is a bit more impressive than his out-of-focus, awkwardly delivered and comically tardy TV address last night in response to Harper. For Dion's part, he wasn't above playing the partisan card: "In our Canada, the government is accountable for its decisions and actions in Parliament."

NDP leader Jack Layton wants to remind the GG that Harper "is more interested in his job than you and your families' jobs." (See Excellency, even your job is at stake in this crisis.)

Bloc leader Gilles Duceppe said emphatically, "we are finished with [Harper's] government." (Of course, that's actually a standard fill-in-the-blank Bloc quote; replace 'Harper' with 'Dion' or 'Chretien' or 'Martin' or 'Canada' at your leisure.)

And the advice keeps coming.

Former Brian Mulroney chief of staff, ambassador and publishing magnate, Norman Spector says "Let the people decide." (Memo to Norman: the people decided 7 weeks ago; now it's time for the government to make decisions.)

Former Governor General Ed Shreyer says "Nothing should be done to aid and abet the evasion of submitting to the will of Parliament." In other words, the PM wants the GG to rescue him from the mob, and the GG would be constitutionally and morally wrong to do so.

Even those abstract notions of precedent and history are trying to tell the GG what to do.

She's been all ears for days. Now we are.

Canadian Revolution Day 7: Prorogation

The best option for Prime Minister Stephen Harper - facing a slam-dunk no-confidence vote on Monday and an agreement by the 3 opposition parties to supplant his government - is prorogation.

(Cue song and dance by bleary-eyed constitutional nerds.)

Prorogation \pruh-ro-'ga-shun\ n. (vb: prorogue; prorogued):

1. The act of deferring or suspending;
2. The act of terminating a session of Canadian Parliament - done by the Governor General at the request of the prime minister. All unpassed legislation dies except for private members' bills, and Parliament's agenda is wiped clean. A new session begins with a new Throne Speech. Prorogation differs from adjournment, which is decided by majority vote of the House of Commons or Senate. Unpassed legislation remains on the agenda;
3. The period between two sessions of a legislative body; though that body still be constituted its orders (i.e. bills, motions) are expunged until the next Parliament;
4. In the Canadian Revolution of '08, an irate Stephen Harper's only full-baked option for heading off the insurrectionists and buying time so he can spin public opinion against the opposition;
5. A constitutional crisis waiting to happen.*

* Picture the scene: The Governor General holds two letters in her hand. One is from the Prime Minister, demanding that she execute his request for prorogation, as constitutionally she must. The other is signed by the leaders of the 3 opposition parties, affirming that the Commons have lost confidence in the government and that the 3 leaders be allowed to form a government that has the confidence of the Commons, which constitutionally the GG must allow.

How long before the GG's head explodes?

Great Canadian Putsch '08: 10 Burning Questions

10 Questions about the Canadian Revolution as in enters its sixth day:

1. THE LIBERAL PARTY IS BROKE, SORT-OF LEADERLESS, AND REELING FROM ELECTORAL SLAUGHTER. HOW DOES THIS MAKE THEM THE NATURAL CHOICE TO LEAD CANADA RIGHT NOW?
Easy. Canada is also broke, sort-of leaderless, and reeling from electoral slaughter. Canadians tend to favour a government they can identify with, and the Liberal Party is a mirror image of Joe Canadian Sixpack.

2. STEPHEN HARPER HAS FALLEN OVER THE CLIFF. IS THERE ANYTHING HE CAN DO BEFORE HE HITS THE BOTTOM?
Yes. But to be fair, he didn't fall off a cliff. He was flying too close to the sun and the wax in his wings melted. Harper might construct a parachute in the form of an economic stimulus package, with the title "Mea Culpa: Why I was wrong and the Liberals are wronger." But we're guessing Harper might prefer martyrdom to mea culpa.

3. HOW CAN DIE-HARD LIBERAL SUPPORTERS STOMACH ALL THIS HAND-SHAKING WITH AND APPLAUDING THE BLOC?
Or vice versa? (After all, there's still an election campaign going on in Quebec.) There's no answer for this one; I'm not a Liberal, so I've no idea how restless their sleep has been since last Thursday. I guess, after a horrific election night seven weeks ago, they're happy with a deal with any devil to get them out of their mess.

4. SERIOUSLY THOUGH, WILL THE TORIES PUSH FOR A NEW ELECTION, AND IF SO, HOW MANY CANADIANS WILL ACTUALLY VOTE?
Pushing the Governor General for a new election is one of the dwindling number of options the Tories have at this point; even they concede that it's not unconstitutional for the opposition parties to petition the GG to form a new government. The Tories are rolling out radio ads decrying the undemocratic-ness of the oppositions' plan, whining to voters that all this is happening without their consent. But if the voters were called upon to decide, would we even get a 50% turnout (after 58% just seven weeks ago)? Is that even quorum for this country to conduct a binding roll call?

5. DOES THE GOVERNOR GENERAL HAVE THE CONSTITUTIONAL FORTITUDE TO RENDER JUDGMENT IN THIS NEARLY UNPRECEDENTED COUP D'ETAT?
The Rt. Hon. Michaëlle Jean will have to address the opposition parties' petition to dissolve the government after they bludgeon the Tories with a no-confidence vote as soon as next Monday. At that point, the Tories would likely petition Mdm. Jean to call for election. At the next point, the GG - Her Majesty's representative to Canada who was not elected to office - would have sweeping but conflicting constitutional powers to decide for the Liberal-NDP-Bloc palace coup or the Tories' cries for a re-vote. The only precedent for this is the King-Byng thing, but back then the GG had much greater authority. No matter what Mdm. Jean does, with the stakes as high as they're likely to get, she'll be upsetting a wide swath of people. (And need we remind you that fewer than 30% of Canadians consider themselves royalists; could the office of the GG be in jeopardy?)

6. WHICH PORTFOLIOS WILL THE NDP NAB IN THE NEW COALITION GOVERNMENT?
They apparently get 6 cabinet posts if the coalition forms. Here's our guess: Indian & Northern Affairs; Industry; Labour; Public Works; Transport & Infrastructure; Human Resources & Social Development. All perfectly socialist concerns. But how long before the NDP and Liberals are locking horns over budgets and spending in these departments where the NDP will want to prove that its policies, if well-financed, can work?

7. WHAT'S IN ALL THIS FOR THE BLOC?
Plus d'argent de poche. The Bloc has no money to run another federal campaign after the recent election and the current campaign in Quebec. Signing up with the Liberals and the NDP ensures the continuation of federal public financing for the separatist party, plus who-knows-what side benefits culled from a well-inked federal budget if and when the Grits and New Dems can agree on one.

8. IS THIS THE END OF A UNITED CONSERVATIVE PARTY?
We'd love to say yes. The Tories have no other obvious leader besides His (self-appointed) Holiness Stephen Harper. If Harper takes the fall, who would possibly take over and unite the right the way Harper did? But the Tories have way too much invested in electoral gains in Quebec, Ontario and B.C. (even that one riding in P.E.I. that they won) to splinter back into religious, Alberta nationalist, and progressive factions. But maybe a back-bench revolt from the Tories once the new coalition gov't takes over? Alas, with proper PR spin, no groomed successors, and some reconstructive surgery, Harper may very well survive this fall.

9. WILL CANADA'S EXPERIMENTAL AND HIGHLY RADIOACTIVE FORM OF GOVERNMENT HAVE A NEW NAME?
The Federal Union of the People's Democratically Implied Government of Her Majesty's Former Dominion of Canada. (We can still call it 'Canada' for short.)

10. WHAT THE HELL IS STEPHANE DION TELLING HIMSELF WHEN HE STARES IN THE MIRROR IN THE MORNING?
A) "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and, sacrebleu, people like me."
B) "That's 7 lives down, still 2 to go. [meow]"
C) "Hasta la victoria, toujours!"
D) All of the above

Canadian Revolution 2008: Harper caught his own disease

"We respectfully point out that the opposition parties, who together constitute a majority in the House, have been in close consultation. We believe that, should a request for dissolution arise this should give you cause, as constitutional practice has determined, to consult the opposition leaders and consider all of your options before exercising your constitutional authority."
- Stephen Harper, leader of Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition, 2004

Gasping for air after a bout of "cynicism that would make Machiavelli envious," Prime Minister Stephen Harper must know he's at death's door.

Alas, poor Harper unknowingly wrote his own death warrant 4 years ago, in a letter (excerpted above) to the Governor General in which Harper as then-opposition leader lobbied to have Paul Martin's minority Liberal government potentially dissolved.

Now he's gotta be eating his own worms, er, words.

Yes folks, for the first time since the famous King-Byng affair of 1926, Canada has itself a constitutional crisis in Her Majesty's Government. The 3 opposition parties will coalesce to oust the Tories in a confidence motion as soon as next Monday, and then unite in a plutonium-rare display of collaboration.

The leaders of the Great Canadian Putsch '08 have emerged from behind the curtains to produce a velvet tapestry of inter-factional harmony: Stéphane Dion as interim PM; 6 cabinet seats to the NDP; a Bloc guarantee of acquiescence for 18 months.

But do they have the support of the people, 58% of whom just voted in an election 6 weeks ago, 37% of whom (the 58%) voted for the Tories?

If an election were called tomorrow, we and surely thousands of other Canadians would humbly cross over to the side of the lazy 42% of Canucks who failed to vote last time round; for as much as we love democracy we cannot justify such a bald manipulation of Canada's feeble electoral laws by deigning to vote twice in succession.

But a palace coup? That we support!

Whoa, Canada? Harper's Hubris invites Revolution, Canadian-style

In ancient Greece, hubris was punishable by death; for offenders, their fate was the wrath of the gods.

Stephen Harper has an everlasting desire to crush his opponents - or in Aristotle's words, to cause "shame to another, in order that shame not fall upon you; not because anything has happened to you, but merely for your own gratification... You think that by ill-treating others you make your own superiority the greater."

Harper's hubris met the wrath of the universe in the form of 3 feeble opposition parties suddenly emboldened by the Prime Minister's unrestrained fit of megalomania.

This three-headed vengeful god - with the sturdy orange legs of the proletariat, a teal torso full of poutine, and a red head and shoulders carrying a backpack - must smite the offender, no matter his feigned repentance, and restore our dignity where not even our version of democracy could.

Bring down the Tories! Renversez les conservateurs! Hasta la victoria toujours!

Stephen Harper's Algerian Wine Collection

The folksy news-gatherers at Canadian Press compiled a partial list of all the gifts and freebies that PM Stephen Harper has received from foreign dignitaries since taking office, as the federal ethics commissioner is investigating whether Harper properly declared their value.

Among the goodies underneath the prime ministerial Xmas tree:

• Cowboy boots embossed with Harper's initials and the Canadian and American flags, from George W. Bush;
• A box of silk ties from Italy's Silvio Berlusconi;
• A Blackberry from Uganda's Yoweri Museveni;
• A tea set from Russia's Viktor Zubkov;
• A leather case full of dates from Tunisia's Zine al-Abedine ben Ali;
• 2 cases of Algerian wine from Algeria's Abdelaziz Bouteflika.

Harper should be so lucky. Algerian wine, once upon a time, had a fabulous reputation for its quality. Production has diminished since the end of brutal French colonial rule, and nowadays it's virtually impossible to find a bottle outside of France. But a couple of sources note that Algeria's coastal wine regions are making a comeback. Check out more at AlgeriaWines.com.

Israel Lobby to Harper: Do you still love us?

Prime Minister Stephen Harper had to engage in a bit of damage control when he scheduled our snap election on the major Jewish holiday of Sukkot.

Of course, not all Orthodox and proud, observant Jews are pro-Israel, and certainly not all in the pro-Israel camp are Jews (or even, um, pro-Semitic). But those who claim to speak for Israel's interests in Canada demanded clarification from the Prime Minister.

Luckily for Mr. Harper, his crush on Israel has a firm record.

Harper infamously called Israel's bombing of Lebanese civilians "measured."

Harper has enjoyed a "Toried Love" affair with the Asper family, the CanWest media moguls and staunch Israel supporters.

Harper has played Diaspora politics to appeal to Canada's pro-Israel electorate.

Harper has wooed Christian Zionists.

Harper accused his opponents of waving Hezbollah flags.

Harper was the first leader to denounce Palestinian democracy, and referred to Hamas as genocidal.

Harper agreed with the WMD threat from Iraq and supported America's war.

Harper doesn't like Ahmadinejad.

To be fair, Harper's Middle East policy is diverse. He did send his personal chef to Egypt in a "recipe sharing" exercise. And the man in the photograph shaking hands with Mr. Harper is King Abdullah II of Jordan (that's an Arab country).

Canadian Ambassador to deliver UN Speech

Canada's ambassador to the United Nations, John McNee, will deliver our country's address before the world body's annual summit tomorrow - instead of Prime Minister Stephen Harper, who is busy trying to get re-elected.

McNee, you may recall, was the mouthpiece for Canada's notable intransigence to the Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples in the UN General Assembly last year.

McNee's posting as UN Ambassador came during the 2006 Israel-Hezbollah war, where he helped refine the Harper government's inarticulate position that Hezbollah was the sole party responsible for instigating the conflict. "The key to ending this violence lies with Hezbollah."

(What is even more noteworthy from this statement on the Middle East is that McNee claimed that the solution to the crisis in Gaza "begins with the ceasing of the launching of Qassam rockets into Israeli towns..." Hezbollah an aggressor? Absolutely. But occupied Gazans? Let's not forget where the real problem lies.)

In short, McNee has been complicit in if not a co-author of Canada's shift - under Prime Minister Harper - to one-sidedness (the hawkish, Neo-con, Likud-esque side) with respect to the Middle East conflict(s).

From 1993-1997, McNee was Canada's ambassador to Syria, and concurrently its representative for Lebanon. Prior to that, he served as a diplomat in Tel Aviv, where he was reportedly chummy with now fallen-from-grace Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert.