Middle East wipes itself off the map

Once upon a time, Iran's president said he wanted to wipe Israel off the map. Last month, British budget airline BMI beat him to it; the low-cost, no-frills airline caused a stir among London-Tel Aviv passengers who noticed that the map in the plane's in-flight brochure had omitted their country of destination. In its place: "Mecca."

Well, Israel is no stranger to massive relaliation: last week the Israeli ministry of tourism launched an advertising campaign in Britain whose accompanying maps do not delineate the occupied Palestinian territories, but rather show a bright yellow Israel from sea to Dead Sea.

Poof! Israel, gone. Palestine, gone.

So with both Israel and Palestine wiped off the map, the political geography of the Middle East is undergoing a transformation not seen since the Sykes-Picot conspiracy drew wide arcing lines all over the sand in 1916.

First, a group of development investors from Dubai swooped in on the now-wiped Holy Land and claimed it; they plan to call it "Dubai West" and fill in the Dead Sea with islands in the shapes of an olive tree and a Magen David.

Iran, vexed at missing the opportunity to wipe Israel off the map itself, had to settle for wiping the Sinai off the map instead. As an upside, this now settles the debate about whether Egypt is African or Asian.

Kuwait settled its old score with Iraq, wiping it off the map and replacing it with the glib "Kuwait II".

The United States, seeing the chaos ensue in its favourite oil garden, quickly moved to annex Saudi Arabia as the 51st state; they had to tweak the name a bit so it sounded more Native American.

Oman sold out to the highest corporate bidder, wiping itself off the map. And Lebanon finally threw in the towel versus its rival Syria; if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Ladies and gentlemen, here it is: your new Middle East map.


Unless there's more map-wiping to come.

Kuwaiti Prime Minister plays "tag" with self over and over again

Kuwaiti Prime Minister Sheikh Nasser al-Mohammad al-Sabah yesterday tendered his resignation to his boss (and uncle)--the Emir Sheikh Sabah al-Ahmad al-Sabah--deciding that he would rather quit his job than face tough questions in Parliament about his shoddy handling of the economic crisis.

The Emir, who has final say on all matters of the government of Kuwait, can choose to appoint a new prime minister, or he can choose to dissolve parliament and force new elections and then appoint a new prime minister. Either way, the dude that becomes the PM will be the same dude.

You see, here's the great thing about Kuwaiti democracy: In November of last year, Prime Minister Sheikh Nasser al-Mohammad al-Sabah tendered his resignation to the Emir because of parliamentary infighting over economic issues. The Emir accepted, and then chose a new prime minister. Whom did he choose? Why, Sheikh Nasser al-Mohammad al-Sabah!

The same dude got reappointed. He was also reappointed in May 2008. He's also been reappointed several times since he was first elected prime minister in 2006. How's that?

Well, it seems there is a pretty narrow list of possible Prime Ministers of Kuwait. In fact, the list is 1: Sheikh Nasser al-Mohammad al-Sabah.

He's also the Crown Prince. In fact, on the Wikipedia site of the current Emir (Sheikh Sabah al-Ahmad al-Sabah), it already says "Succeeded by: Nasser al-Mohammad al-Sabah" even though the latter al-Sabah hasn't even become Emir yet. The former al-Sabah was the last prime minister before the latter al-Sabah, before the former al-Sabah became Emir and appointed the latter al-Sabah as his replacement.

[I realize this post has be come ensconsed in al-Sabahs. So I'll get to the point.]

Bottom line, if anyone comes up to you today and wants to place a bet on the next PM of Kuwait, and further offers you the chance to bet on every single Kuwaiti in the entire universe other than Sheikh Nasser al-Mohammad al-Sabah, and further gives you 10,000-to-1 odds... Do NOT take the bet. You've been warned.

The Tuque Souq is here to help.

The Tuque Souq Year in Review

Reporters sans frontières (RSF) recently released its sixth annual World Press Freedom Index for 2008.

The World Press Freedom Index measures press freedom in countries around the world by assessing such factors as censorship, self-censorship, harassment of journalists (or worse), intervention by governmental or extra-governmental parties, and the legal infrastructure for protecting the freedom of the press.

And for the sixth year in a row, Iceland has the world's freest press. (Can ya spot him?) Canada rose to the 13th spot this year (not that we deserve it), highest among G8 countries, but aside from us and New Zealand, the top 20 spots are occupied by European nations, mostly of the Nordic and Baltic variety.

As for the Middle East, well, you won't find these countries hobnobbing with the likes of Jamaica (#21), Ghana (#31), or Cape Verde (#36). So as a way of wrapping up the year with a glimpse at all the countries in the region, the Tuque Souq presents:

THE MIDDLE EAST AND NORTH AFRICA PRESS UNFREEDOM INDEX
(listed in order from least unfree to most unfree)
(warning: may contain self-referencing links)

46. Israel (regular Israel*)
So, Israeli press that is reporting in Israel (not the Palestinian territories) is the freest press in the region. Not bad, but that's a pretty glaring asterisk, considering that "the territories" is what most of the news is generally concerned with.

61. Kuwait
69. United Arab Emirates
After remaining unchanged in the rankings for a couple of years, these 2 Gulf countries of similar size and demography have started to separate, with Kuwait rising 2 spots and U.A.E. falling 4 spots. This is probably because the Emirates suffer from what pressreference.com calls the "practice of self-censorship" by the media, whereby journalists willingly print just the happy news. Kuwaiti journalists, while apparently freer than Emiratis, are still not as free as us to poke fun at these pointy things.

66. Lebanon
Up an impressive 30 spots in the rankings after 2008 saw a huge drop in the number of high-profile killings of journalists and activists in Lebanon. Starting a food fight with Israel was also a step in the right direction.

74. Qatar
Home to gajillion-dollar media empire al-Jazeera, Qatar still ranks below Haiti and Burkina Faso in press freedom.

89. Comoros
Tiny archipelago nation with an Arab government nabs nondescript 89th place in the rankings, and this hereby fulfills the Tuque Souq's pledge to write something about Comoros before the year is up. Actually, according to the democracy watchgroup Freedom House, Comoros is the only real "electoral democracy" in the Arab world, although one of its islands, Anjouan, questionably re-elected its president recently.

96. Bahrain
Little island with big football dreams is up 22 spots this year.

105. Mauritania
Having risen an impressive 88 spots between 2004-2007 to a high of #50 last year (which was highest among all Arab states), Mauritania plummeted 55 spots this year after a nasty coup put a plug in democratization in this Saharan nation.

121. Algeria
122. Morocco
123. Oman
Arch press-unfreedom rivals Algeria and Morocco battled to a near draw, with Algeria edging out its neighbour at the tape. The on-again, off-again Algerian civil war remains one of the deadliest for journalists in history. Monarchical Morocco doesn't always approve of journalists criticising the king. Meanwhile, Oman is debuting on the index this year, which can only mean that Omanis just got press this year.

128. Jordan
King Abdullah II of Jordan, fresh off his YouTube campaign, recently met with Jordan's media community to promise more reform and more freedom. We have to applaud His Excellency for once again circumventing the bureaucracy of democracy and simply decreeing more freedom.

134. Djibouti
The country whose appellation makes it an easy target for unquestionably urbane puns, Djibouti is always a tough call for World Press Index gamblers. From a high of 96 in 2002 to a low of 145 three years ago, there seems to be an awful lot of scrutiny for a country whose president likes to be referred to only by his initials.

135. Sudan
Sudan, a country with a north vs. south civil war and and east vs. west civil war (that one's more of a genocide), and a country consistently rated as having one of the world's most corrupt governments, is actually rising in the rankings. Sudan now ranks better than Mexico (#140).

149. Israel (extra-territorial)
Referring to Israeli press freedom in the Occupied Palestinian Territories, this 'second Israel' fell 46 spots from last year thanks to increased Israeli military harassment of journalists. Hmm, if only there were strings attached.

155. Yemen
Sure, having near-total state control over the media might seem blasé to some autocracies, but Yemen is known for being a bit retro.

143. Tunisia
159. Syria
160. Libya
161. Saudi Arabia
From the 2008 report: "In Zine el-Abidine Ben Ali’s Tunisia, Muammar Gaddafi’s Libya, [and] Bashar el-Assad’s Syria, the leader’s ubiquitous portrait on the streets and front pages of the newspapers is enough to dispel any doubt about the lack of press freedom. Other dictatorships do without a personality cult but are just as suffocating. Nothing is possible [for the press] in... Saudi Arabia if it does not accord with government policy."

146. Egypt
Egypt languished in 146th place as the report made special note of that country's crackdown on bloggers, including Kareem Amer, who was imprisoned for blogging negatively about Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak. Egyptian bloggers are an important part of the newsgathering in that country, while even high-profile editors are not immune from government crackdown.

153. Somalia
Unprecedented access to Somalia's pirate community probably contributed to this country's 6-point gain in the index.

158. Iraq
Iraq actually outranks a number of seemingly better-off countries. Though climbing to 158th place on the list, Iraq is singled out for the fact that over 200 journalists have been killed since the U.S.-led war and occupation began in 2003.

163. Palestine
About Palestine, last year's WPF index report had this to say: "The battle raging between Hamas and Fatah is the main cause of the large number of serious press freedom violations in the Palestinian Territories. Hostage-taking, arrests, physical attacks and ransacking of news organisations - the Palestinian media and the few visiting journalist are threatened from all sides." This year, with Hamas fully in control of Gaza, Palestine dropped another 5 spots, as journalists are harassed and accused of taking political sides or of being spies.

So that makes Palestine, which of course is not a country, the most unfree Arab country for the press. But we're still missing someone in the general area...

166. Iran
First off, the countries whose press is more unfree than Iran: China, Vietnam, Cuba, Burma, Turkmenistan, North Korea and Eritrea. Secondly, one must wonder why the Ahmedinejad government spends so much time harassing bloggers when Iran's own clerics are bloggers. Thirdly, you have to reserve some respect for the achievement of a government so cunning that it has succeeded in convincing much of its public to be wary of its own media.

Finally, shouldn't any country that bans The DaVinci Code get an automatic ten-point bump in the index?

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2008 Middle East and North Africa press!

See you in 2009.

Old Damascus, light on coke, gets high on hotels

Coca-Cola is banned, but apparently Holiday Inn is okay in Syria.

According to a story from Al-Arabiya, the Syrian minister of tourism Saadallah Agha al-Qalaa has just laid the ceremonial foundation stone on a new $35-million five-star luxury hotel to be built (egad!) inside the old city walls of Damascus - right in the neighbourhood of that most historic and beautiful of souqs, al-Hamidiyeh. (Quite near the Umayyad Mosque, pictured.)

Why oh why? Ya salaam, there's plenty of open space in Syria. Hell they just found a church in the desert that no one had seen for 1200 years.

We can only hope that the hotel's design, when the structure is finally completed in 2011, ranks somewhere better on the Eyesore Rankings than the McDonald's on the Champs Elysees, the Hard Rock Cafe in Beirut, the new AGO in Toronto, Starbucks (in general), or these pointy things in Kuwait.

[Okay, that was an unfair dig at the AGO, Toronto's new Frank Gehry thing. We like the new AGO, we just don't like where it is. You can imagine the artist's rendering of the corner of Dundas & McCaul streets all you want, but the area really looks like this. If you're going to build a monstrosity, have the courtesy to do as they do in Doha: put it on a fake island.]